Have you ever noticed yourself pulling away just when things start to feel good? Maybe you find yourself picking little fights, shutting down, or choosing people who can’t really be there for you. On the surface, it looks like you’re pushing love away.
But what’s actually happening is something much deeper: your subconscious is trying to protect you. This is what we call self-sabotage in relationships.
It’s not that you don’t want love. It’s that a hidden part of you believes closeness isn’t safe. The good news is, once you understand why this happens, you can begin to change it.
What Self-Sabotage Really Is
Self-sabotage in love doesn’t mean you’re broken. It usually means your subconscious learned a long time ago that love was painful, unpredictable, or unsafe. So now, even as an adult, that part of you steps in and says:
“Better end it now before I get hurt.”
“If I pick someone unavailable, I won’t have to risk being rejected.”
“If I push them away, I’ll stay in control.”
These patterns aren’t choices you make consciously. They’re automatic protective strategies.
Why We Sabotage Love
If we look closer, self-sabotage often comes from very real experiences:
Growing up feeling unseen or rejected → “If I open up, I’ll be abandoned.”
Only receiving conditional love → “I’ll never be safe being myself.”
A painful heartbreak → “It’s safer to destroy it than be blindsided again.”
In each case, the subconscious creates a rule: “Closeness = danger.” So when intimacy shows up, your body reacts with fear, even if your heart wants connection.
How Hypnotherapy Helps
This is where hypnotherapy can be so powerful. It doesn’t just work on the surface behaviors — it goes right to the subconscious patterns that drive them. In hypnosis you can:
- Find the root experience where love and pain became linked.
- Shift the meaning your subconscious gave that moment.
Old belief: “If I love, I’ll get hurt.”
New belief: “It’s safe to love, and I am worthy of connection.”
- Rewire your response so that closeness starts to feel calming instead of threatening.
This is why hypnosis for relationships and subconscious healing isn’t about forcing yourself to change, it’s about creating safety at the deepest level so change happens naturally.
A Different Perspective
What if the part of you that “ruins” love isn’t the enemy? What if it’s the part of you that most wants to be loved, it’s just terrified?
Seen through that lens, self-sabotage isn’t destruction. It’s protection. And once you meet that protective part with compassion instead of judgment, it no longer has to run the show. That’s when love starts to feel possible again.
Small Steps You Can Take Now
Pause and notice. When you feel yourself pulling away, take a breath. Instead of judging, ask: “What am I afraid of right now?”
Get curious. Journal about what your subconscious might be trying to protect you from.
Seek support. Hypnotherapy can help you explore those fears in a safe way and create new patterns that let love in.
If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of pushing love away, know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Your subconscious has simply been doing its best to keep you safe. With the right support, you can release those old strategies, heal the root cause, and finally feel at ease letting love in.
If this speaks to you, I invite you to contact me. Together we can explore what your subconscious is holding onto and how you can open to the kind of love you truly want.
